Memorial....

-GOING TO THE GONE
A checklist for Memorial Day
by Greg Asimakoupoulos
May 23, 2008-
Go look in on your children still asleep within their bed.
Remind yourself they’re safe and warm because of some long dead.
Go for a walk through cemeteries
lined with little flags.
Take time to ponder homebound heroes flown in body bags.
Go stand between those granite stones engraved with names and dates. Imagine all who died defending our United States.
Go on and kneel beside a marker
offering a prayer with gratitude for those who gave their lives
defeating terror.
Go home and count your blessings
from the hands of those now gone. Then vow to the Almighty that their mem’ry will live on.
The following note applies to this poem: Copyright 2008 Greg Asimakoupoulos. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.

The Phantom Mystery Spot Does Exist!!

Its a real phenom @ casa Allen! The girls have chores & as typical teen girls, they don't do them properly- they do just enough to get by.Well today Chris had had it- Syd sprayed ant spray , left the jug sitting in the corner on the floor & dead ant carcus's were all along the wall in the kitchen left there for goodness knows how long... So @ first noone would admit who did it (we have soooo much of "no one did it" round these parts- its an epidemic actually!) Chris then said" well, your all three loosing your cell phones for a week then- because this is getting ridiculious! Suddenly, Syd realizes that hmm, it may have been her, but that the sand & surf of Gaveston for the past 4 days might have affected her memory. I sat w/ my mouth literally agape! ( they will w/ out hesitation, resort to anything to shirk responsibility) Needless to say, I then wrote an entire list of things they have to accomplish by 4 pm. As I write this, I smell the sweet odor of pine & hear the vaccume a runnin! Oh Happy Day!

What's the big deal?

Ok so I live in a house w/(counting me) 5 women (hence the blog addy) & we are heading south to Texas for a long weekend w/ the girls. Well there has been a series of pickin out outfits, warshin clothes, & packin for the last 2 days now. ( & that's just the girls) We leave tomorrow around 10 am & I havnt even opend my suitcase yet. Well we are eatin Tacos for dinner & the girls start talking about loading the car (its 7 pm!!!) to which I say" I havnt packed yet & still have stuff washing " OMGAW, you should have seen their faces. I had to leave the room cause of the rucus that broke out - they are ovbiously extremely concerned!! So it got me thinking, maybe I'm the one that's abnormal!? Well now I have to know, ladies are you a last minute packer or do you plan & take days to get ready for a trip? Alright, I've got to get finished puttin my sundries in my overnite bag! Till next time! LA

(Continued from last post)

You just can't explain the dispair that suffering through this for so long & the toll it takes on you emotionaly. Words cannot be found. Not knowing when it will be over is maddening.You try not to focus on it & honestly there are times when I can stuff it for awhile & I'll be ok & then it just comes flooding back. Sometimes people who simply can't understand say the darndest things. I recently had a very sweet well meaning lady say "you have so much to be thankful for, a wonderful Godly husband, big beautiful home, 4 terrific girls,that may have to be enough" well yes- I'm so blessed, but because I feel this desire does that mean I'm not thankful? One hasn't anything to do w/ the other,its a seperate issue. And knowing those things doesnt make the suffering any less. I'm very thankful that I have Gods word to go to, w/out it I wouldn't have made it. His word says He hears me & knows the desires of my heart,He put them there.It also says He is just & I am (as I say all the time here) in the shadow of His wings. I have seen some precious friends this past yr get the wonderful news of their pregnancies & try to be sensitive in telling me-thank you girls! I simply couldn't be happier for you, it is a miracle & I'm thrilled to pieces! Please don't ever think I would be unhappy @ such wonderful news, it has brought me such hope! I write all of this to simply get it out, also to ask you to pray for me.. Thank you for letting me share this, sorry so heavy...Tonight as I lay me down to sleep, I will once again lay it @ the foot of the cross, and tomorrow work very hard once more to not pick it up. He is so gracious, abounding in Love. And on Him I WILL continue to cast my cares. If someone u know has infertility please just be there.Ask her how she's doing, let her lean on you. Pray w/ & for her.You can't fix it but nothing will do more good than you just showing up for her & truely "hearing" her pain. Till next time L.A

Why ????

I'm writing somthing so deeply personal & something that a chosen few of you know.. Remember,I record "our lives" in this blog.Take from it what you will, I pray you see a woman who desperately loves her God, husband & children.That being said what you are about to read & share in, is me grappleing to understand somthing I am deeply overwhelmed by & surrendering to daily- I have secondary infertility & I'm hurting. As so many women do for this dream not yet realized, I wrestle w/ God often. I'm a 37 yo woman w/4 beautiful, loving, healthy daughters & such a strong desire for another child,one that I know in my heart was placed there by God. For the past 4 yrs I have prayed, screamed,sobbed, been angry,imbittered, hopeless-round & round again.I can hear some of the comments now(because I've heard it all before)"you have children, be happy w/what u have"or" if its Gods wil, it will happen" True, but painfull nontheless. My heart aches just like a woman who is trying for her 1st. My pain is real,its deep.. It is crushing every month when I find out another month gone. I tell myself all kinds of things,I've told God all kinds too.I feel alone, I share "this" pain & emptiness w/ noone,not even my husband lives here in this pain w/ me. Its just me & this emptiness. He can't feel it-he can't feel how vast, penetrating & unending it is for me.I try talking to him, he doesn't get it so then I feel emptier.I live here in this place between surrender & dying to the dream because if I stay & let it rot in me I will be trapped here, but I just can't move on, I've tried. I've asked God if its not His will would He plz change my heart. He hasn't. -continue 2 next post plz-

So Personal....

I'm home after returning from the Oolagah youth rally & read 3 of the blogs I'm lovin,the sadness penetrates my bones.There's an unfortunate theme, a cord that binds these families. Its this life altering, more than we can bare, pain that nothing humanly done can help because of this great loss.Then in the midst of the darkness is this fog,this creeping in,on,all around us as we bear together in His love,it sweeps in & alters our pain-He knew we were going to be in the deep pit of battles Psalms 103:8- He is compassionate & gracious- abounding in love.From the sidelines my heart just wrenches,I feel such pain & loss for these empty arms, acheing to hold these tiny angels- but then u read what they are writing, lamenting as my gf Kathy said, u feel an awe, you feeeeel peace, the peace that only our compassionate & gracious creator could gift us.It is His will thats done, & when we take refuge in Him, in the secret place of His presence & call to Him , He will answer us & show us great & mighty things,(peace, assurance, healing, wisdom)fenced in & hidden in His great & powereful all knowing love for"us"His creation. When we dare to think on those things that could effect us on that deep a level, we are certain there's just no way we would survive, but just as these precious families are driven to their knees to find out, He's waiting there,in that place that you simply may not make it back from. He's gone before us, also hemmed us in from behind...I've read over & over that He is my strong tower, He hears my cry & is always near- He is never nearer to us then when are layed out bare, when we cry out for help or just hurt so deeply we can only moan in our suffering. He hears & lovingly delivers us out of all of our distress & troubles...(psalms 34:17) I wont assume to know their experience,but I do know what Gods word says & I can see it effecting these circumstances. I'm so very thankful that in the days of sorrow & distress,we are in the shadow of His wings..Please pray for lucy, today is her funeral. In Him ,LA

And just like that....

Hello faithful & NON replying readers,how is everyone this busy season?We are seriously winding down here,the twins have like1week of work left, other 2 are basically done~just in the nick of time because summer is upon us. W/that comes a full calendar(you'd think just the opposite,but the contrary is indeed true,our days & comming weeks are jam packed!!!) Beginning with Kaits 15th birthday tomorrow...Im sad as I post this, I really shouldnt be but Ive been doing the wierdest things & having the sappiest thoughts. I randomly walk around hugging her & telling her how precious she is to me, & just stare at her while we are hanging out. Now just doing one of the affore mentioned might not get a reaction, however both in conjunction w/eachother have caused some alarm ovbiously~to the point that shes asked me a few different times if somthings wrong... I DIDNT THINK IT WAS THAT OUT OF CHARACTER, BUT OVBIOUSLY I NEED TO CONTROL MYSELF .I dont think of myself as a mushy person,but having my oldest baby turn 15 & the feelings that envokes is somthing you just cant prepare yourself (or them) for...Thankfully we have already had her party,we had 13 teenage girls & my friend,1 very brave mom over this past friday night for a sleepover, what a night it was! We were up until after 4am and did somthing I wont out right declare here because its illegal in some communities but lets just say it involved sneaking around @2am,wearing black,& decorating someones yard. Word on the streeet is that 15 teenage boys are on standby to return the favor~I jus can't wait for that clean up!!! As my birthday gift to her I will be taking her & a girlfriend for a spa day,its important to her,so I will just go along, have a facial & show support like a good loving mother should. Now the twins are all about having that for their girft too, so I know for certain Ill have another one in Oct,for the girls naturally!Kait & I leave for camp in Co. 6/2 so might be abit till I post! May u all be full of His peace & joy heading into your summer. In Him,LA