Our family's journey, & all the bumps & bruises along the way...

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Friday, February 19, 2010

This seriously made me laugh till I cried ~ & Sunday Citar..


This may not be somthing that inspires me, but it certainly is somthing that brightend my day, and Im certain you wont soon forget it!! I Got this from another blogger who got it from someone else- Author unknown...

- All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…the wax. Read on…… My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah…right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself….RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!…. OH MY GAUD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe………… OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's NO hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* > > I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub…in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some >secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!! > > It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair…. THE HAIR IS STILL THERE……..ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color…… I told ya ~ You are wel come!!

(If ya barrie, link back & let me know plz :) ~Also, Please check out "Sundar Citar" over @ "Fresh Mommy" w/ my friend (& if you dont know her, soon to be yours too!;) Tabitha!
And as always, LYLAS/B LA
Leah Allen
-- Sent from my Palm Pre

22 comments:

Robyn said...

OMgaw That is hilarious! Hubby is sleeping and my bust out laughing woke him up!I couldn't control the LOL...............LOL

Robyn said...

Can I borrow this?

Alyssa said...

It hurts just thinking about it...
Funny post, though.

Lisa said...

Wow!! That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time!! I can only imagine the horror and I couldn't help laughing:)

Thanks for posting this and getting my day off to a good start!

Had to follow you after reading that!!

Pam said...

I burst out laughing right in the middle of this. Oh the pain! But it's so funny. : )

Eyeglasses & Endzones said...

Why is it that stories of someone else's pain make me laugh so hard????

Trac~ said...

LOL THAT is why I don't ever get bikini waxes! HA HA! Thanks for the laugh and have a great weekend! :o)

kenziekylanmom said...

Oh, I remember this story! I think I posted it on my blog in 2005 and I laughed my head off then just like I am now!

Julie Johnson said...

Thanks for popping by in my blog world. The back of our garage has four window frames with pictures of our 4 kids enlarged. My husband sealed them, and they've been up for 2 years- all year round. They add a touch of quirky whimsy and smiles to our yard.
Julie

theUngourmet said...

I've done my own bikini wax a time or two and it is such a pain! This is such a riot! :D

☼¨`*•.♥RocĂ­o♥.•*¨`☼ said...

ROFL!!!

Life with Kaishon said...

This was SO funny. Traumatic : ). It makes me thankful that we have one more month of winter so I don't have to think about it : )

Parsley said...

I'm just cracking up here. LOL

Alicia said...

Oh my!! I read that same story before too! That is crazy!!!

Mami Made It said...

Thanks for sharing this funny story! I never used wax and now I know why I never will use wax.

Jo said...

This is TOO funny ~ what we women are willing to go through!

Jo

50centlove said...

OH MY GOSH!!! I am LAUGHING OUT LOUD!! This was hysterical!!

Thanks for visiting my blog too.

vicki archer said...

So sorry but that story is hilarious...no more home kits for me, xv.

Muthering Heights said...

Oh my...it sounds funny from over here, but I'm sure it was not fun at the time!!!

Its So Very Cheri said...

My new monthly party Its So Very NOT QUITE RIGHT will be up as a linky party on Sunday--PLEASE ADD THIS. It is HILARIOUS.

Do you have a blog button?
Cheri

Its So Very Cheri said...

I have this months Its So Very Not Quite Right up.

Cheri

Caroline said...

OH My goodness...TOO funny!!!