Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Blundering through Bad news...
Blink blinkblinkkkk... Thats what the cursor is doing. While I try & formulate my thoughts. Please be patient while I sort through all of this... What would be the worst news that you could possibly get about your parent. Divorce? Maybe an adulterous affair? Selling your childhood home, & moving? ... I think what I have heard today trumps alllll.
My. Mother. Has. ( very aggressive colon) C. A. N. C. E .r.
Yes. cancercancercancer... As I write this, I'm acutely aware of the tightening in my chest. The shallow breathing I seem to be now only capable of... My mind is a blaze of thoughts of years past. Anger from my childhood for a mother who wasn't what we needed. Brokenness. All lay like pieces of a shattered mirror. She has suffered for years in an abusive relationship. Her body is still suffering for it. Drug addiction, healed. By the grace of God. Last year surrendered her life to the healing resurrected power of the Almighty Christ. & now cancer??? The pain I feel is palpable... My head is chalk full of wisdom, hope, faith that that I would have for you should you ever come to me with this devastation. ( I pray not...) But right now, I have nothing... I'm on the verge of what surely is a nervous breakdown?. Surely not!. I'm a believer. I've seen mountains MOVE!. I've seen relationships restored!!
I know that digging deep is about to be required of me, & right now, I just don't have it in me. Please, will you pray? I know He is mighty to save... Faithful. & thats all I know. Thank you for reading my rambling... LA