Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Blink blinkblinkkkk... Thats what the cursor is doing. While I try & formulate my thoughts. Please be patient while I sort through all of this... What would be the worst news that you could possibly get about your parent. Divorce? Maybe an adulterous affair? Selling your childhood home, & moving? ... I think what I have heard today trumps alllll.
My. Mother. Has. ( very aggressive colon) C. A. N. C. E .r.
Yes. cancercancercancer... As I write this, I'm acutely aware of the tightening in my chest. The shallow breathing I seem to be now only capable of... My mind is a blaze of thoughts of years past. Anger from my childhood for a mother who wasn't what we needed. Brokenness. All lay like pieces of a shattered mirror. She has suffered for years in an abusive relationship. Her body is still suffering for it. Drug addiction, healed. By the grace of God. Last year surrendered her life to the healing resurrected power of the Almighty Christ. & now cancer??? The pain I feel is palpable... My head is chalk full of wisdom, hope, faith that that I would have for you should you ever come to me with this devastation. ( I pray not...) But right now, I have nothing... I'm on the verge of what surely is a nervous breakdown?. Surely not!. I'm a believer. I've seen mountains MOVE!. I've seen relationships restored!!
I know that digging deep is about to be required of me, & right now, I just don't have it in me. Please, will you pray? I know He is mighty to save... Faithful. & thats all I know. Thank you for reading my rambling... LA
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Hi Dolls! As I was cruising around all of the changes Blogger has made recently I decided to try this on for size. Not sure what I think yet...
On to other business, how in the world is it already nearing the end of March? Wow, Easter is right around the corner!. I joked the other day on FB about having the girls & I wear matching dresses & Chris matching Polo. At first it sounded lame, but the more and more I was challenged the more I warmed up to the idea. (however, getting 3 fashionistas to agree is a totally different story, so we shall see ;)
Soooo much happening here in Allentown. We recently got the twins a car. Its a cute little red 4 door STANDARD!! I emphasise the word " standard" because its become somewhat of a challenge to get driving time in, its taking somewhat longer to master the clutch (as many of you stick drivers realize!) It ain't for sissies, & we have 2 trying to learn it at the same time. God help us! I joke I joke. I actually first learned to drive a standard & still love it to this day. Once you master that you can drive a wimpy old Automatic with ease!! (or at least that's what I'm telling them!! :)
We are also rounding the last leg of shcool before summer & here in the Allen home we get what I refer to as "shortimers fever", then have to sprint the last leg because there has been so much dilly dallying. (we do Virtual Academy, & thankfully, those teachers don't mess around!).
There's already talk of Prom, lil P's 3 week annual trek to Michigan, Summer Vacations & Church Camp. (once again on the Beach, who wouldn't already be longing for that I ask you??!) So I've got to keep the girls moving along. But what keeps me moving along? Hmm, if I'm being honest, I really haven't thought about it?. I guess I would have to say... Prob that I want them to do well , have grades that will catapult them into College with ease & then into Fantastic Vocations... ( doesn't every mother want this? :0/ ). On we march for the A!! ( OK, B maybe -?? I'm just being realistic! ;)
Speaking of prom, the girls (who got home from working a 5th & 6th grade lock in this morning at 8 am) have friends coming over to do a trial run for prom hair, which is in 3 weeks but its been all they have talked about for 2 months... Is this normal??) & ding dong, I hear the door bell, so I guess they have arrived!.
I remind myself allot lately about how much I'm going to miss this time in our lives. I know I will. I was born to be a mom, but I really stunk at it early on. ( before I knew Jesus quite truly...) I was selfish, self centered, self seeking & ill equip to handle their needs & felt like I was robbed of having my time in the sun. The lies satan tell, &we believe!. It makes me sad that I didn't give them the very best start that I could have , should have. So, I spend allot of time thinking about what I needed from my mom when I was that age ( that she wasn't very good at giving to me, & I'll be danged if I'm not going to work and Pray my butt off to change that so that the next little Allen- McMinn youngins are headed in the right direction that much sooner.)
You cant undo the past but you can take your lumps, dig really deep, deeper than I ever knew I had in me, & let your love for them inspire you to heal the past & move foreword, letting God do the work. Don't think that I don't say to my God " what do I do here Lord? I don't have the answers!!!" (because, I very rarely do). So, I just cling to the promises & move foreword doing the very best that I can. Somehow, because of HIS faithfulness, that's enough. God is faithful. Faithful beyond human faithfulness -He is Mighty to Save. Without that little Gem, I couldn't walk through any of this. So YAY that my girls that get the benefit of a mom saved by grace, face down, daily walking with the Lord of Lords , convicted of a dark heart, seeking to do battle with a very -real -enemy , on their behalf!! Woootwooot!!!
Hmmm, I can hear them in their right now talking about up do's & hair clips. I wonder if I can sneak in and snap some during & afters??
Stay tuned, If I do get to, I'll post them on Twitter!! :) ( you can add me , the info is on my side bar :)
Thanks for stopping over, I would love to hear your thoughts, please don't leave without at least saying hi!! LYLAS/B ♥ LA