(It might be an LAism... I'm really not sure, so I 'll break it down for ya. ;)
This (as 99.9% of you know given my feed #'s) has probably been one of the most difficult seasons of my life, for ovbious (& not so ovbious) reasons. The Kalyb thing shook me to my very core. WOW!. NOTHING can ever prepare you as a mom to watch your baby struggle to survive through something so earth shattering. (I well up inside even writing this). Life basically stood still. And, tho he survived ( to only the Glory of God!) the aftermath can really only be compared to something extremely close to PPD... Bouts of random crying, SERIOUS depression, overwhelmedness- you get the picture...
Just prior to getting the news of his accidental shooting , we had planned a trip to Las Vegas with friends . (Chris & I had neither one ever been, so at the time we were very excited about it).
Slowly in the weeks preceding the shooting I started to focus on this trip together. It became something I really I looked fwd to & it helped me to somewhat start to pull out from under the gray cloud that had set up residence over my home... For unforseen reasons we ended up coming, just the two of us. (I'm actually at the Paris LV sittting by the pool while writing this). We have had a really good time. We ( I ) really needed it, but I have felt feelings of the PPD start to creeeep back in & it's ticking me OFF! Ugh. If I may, I would like to share with you the things I have used to help me try & get over this... The "blessings" that I focus on. I am loved & in a deep relationship with my Heavenly Father, married to a man that accepts me right where I am, flaws, warts & all &, have 5 amazing children. Kalyb is healing & day by day returning to his old self PTL!. I am in a wonderful church & lead (if that's what you call it :) our Womens Ministry Team. God is really blessing our little business, & I have some of the most amazing Godly sister friend's & family. I know that I am blessed & well meaning friend's literally say things like" I wish I could just run off to Vegas" or " What do you have to be depressed about?. Your life is so awesome" . Blahh blahh blah... Ovbiously, it has nothing to do with "my life!"... Please hear my heart, I am by no means bragging, quite the opposite. Inspite of all of this, still I feel such oppression if I am not constantly seeking God & pressing in... Sounds insane, right???. I know. Makes no sence- what.so.ever...
Even now, being here, breeze blowing, sun shining, I am sadly having to capture thoughts & bring them under authority... I know Gods is faithful. So seriously AWESOME.!!. And, I know that He is strengthening me. So, I will continue to press in, soak up these last few precious hours with my man & praise God, even through the valley's... I have been posting pics on FB of our trip. We have had a fantastic time & getting some great couple time in, not to mention the shopping!. (which btw can also become a vice. I have found that sometimes when I am struggling I want "shoppin therapy", which in no way does anything to help me feel better after I have forked over the cash - if you are saying an " Amen!!" right now, see that for what it is- empty!!). I am now getting off my broken down, tattered, soap box & off to hit the town with my man!. If you identify with these type feelings, please be encouraged. You are not alone, & even tho this is NOT a fun experience, He know's, He promised to never leave or forsake us, & this is for His glory. HANG ON & press IN. Thanks for reading & for goodness sakes, TALK to someone SAFE. (I have 2 really incredible safe friends I can "go there" with & it really makes all the diff...).
Till next time, LYLAS. LA
PS. comments let me connect with you so plz don't leave without leaving one ;)
7 comments:
LA,
I love your honesty and I love you!! While I wish that Parry and I had not had to cancel our trip to Vegas with you, I am so very glad that you and Chris are taking this time and making the most of it! I love that you are taking advantage of the time as a couple, something we all need to do more of with our spouse! God is always faithful and will see us through those valleys! I certainly have my share of those times, as you well know! I am so glad to call you my friend!! Love ya girl!!
Missy
"Inspite of all of this, still I feel such oppression if I am not constantly seeking God & pressing in... Sounds insane, right???. I know. Makes no since- what.so.ever..." This makes complete sense to me. Satan knows that constantly pressing in can be tough. A lot of people won't do it and when they don't then he's got 'em. Keep running the race. Run it all the way to the finish. God's got your back. :)
I love your honesty too. I'll continue to keep your family in my prayers, friend.
Leah,
It's been forever since I have checked in. I am so sorry about everything going on. You are a strong woman and God is always there when everyone else has gone. Keep trusting in Him.
My prayers are with you and your family that you continue to stay strong and things get better!
I'm sorry to hear about your son, but Praise the Lord with you in his recovery. There are so many of us I'm sure who identify with your feelings. May the God of all comfort, comfort you......but be assured He remembers we are but dust!
Thank you for such honesty... I haven't been over here in a long time, and didn't know about all of this going on in your life! I know this post is older, and I'm not sure how things are since this, but just know that I'm praying for you and your family!! God has good things in store for you all, and I'm believing for His peace and strength for you.
xo,
Tabitha
Your blog so inspiring for me. Thanks for sharing knowledge.
Post a Comment