What is it really??

Oh, Yay, we are going to talk about "Forgivness".~ DO NOT HIT THE BIG RED X IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER, I seeeeeee YOU!! ;) **Well, maybe more about my struggle with it( among other things). The Bible speaks forgivness & I'm preeeetty certain that everyone reading this has someone (s) in their life that they can think of right now that they know they need to forgive?!. (Im not judging) . The good Book says that we are to turn our cheek 7x70 times. Also, that our Heavenly Father will judge us the same way we judge others, and so on and on... And, here's the rub~ we are all called to forgive, despite the other persons deservidness. Good stuff right!!... Well, I have this problem. I am given opportunities often to overcome this little issue that I struggle with and often I fail at. Its called "Justice".I .Want. Justice. When someone wrongs me, I want justice. If you are my friend, and you get wronged, yep. I want justice for you... Well, justice,mercy & forgivness dont really go hand in hand... If Im waiting for them to pay for what they have done~ for the truth to be revealed~ for them to be held responsible, then I am not walking in forgivness. The problem with me not being able to accept them not paying the piper seems to be a running theme in my life ( hence the " I keep getting opportunities to overcome") is because the Lord continues to allow me to be in situations where things happen and I'm the one that has to have all the yucky poop squeezed out of me. (stuff that I know He wants me free'd from because it isnt Christ like. But, what about them Lord?. Why do they continue to be allowed to do wrong; lie, cheat, decieve, portray themselves as somthing that is soooo ovbious to me & seemingly only me) that they are NOT, "yet noone else can see it" type stuff.. This is all really ugly. Im not proud of it. It makes me deal with things that I dont want to think are even inside my heart. But if it wernt in there, I wouldnt do, feel or think them, right?
In the past I could pray & have a peace knowing , one way or another, that I would be delivered, God would be glorified & also show me the way to handle it. Now, I am in a season of raising my 3 teens & their younger sister & for whatever reason, just can't find it in me...
The older 3 girls's pop ( I dont call him their dad, he isnt. A dad sends birthday cards, is dependable, calls on special occasions even when he is 2000 miles away, makes you a priority. My husband is the one that holds them , loves them, talk & prays with them. When they have had a bad day he's the go to guy & deals with all the emotional teen girl drama along side me~ thats a dad... See, I told you..)
I digress, Im finding more & more in the season of life that I'm in there just seems to be quite a bit of yuckyness in me. I think that I am just in such as state of constant stress that all of my emotions are right at the top, just under the surface. I'm just not dealing with things very well. How do people do it? How do people have a functioning, normal life, a thriving marriage, dedicate time to friends & other family, all the while managing to raise teens?? It is so far beyond me.
The reason I mention all of this is because prior to the past 3 years, I feel like I cared more about things. I was way more patient. I would have considered things before I just said no. I was more gentle and loving. I feel like she's gone? ( I'm praying she isn't, I really liked her so very much more. I know my husband did too, & I grieve for her return.)
Which brings me back to forgivness. Because I am feeling like Im in a fight for my life every single day here at home, when something else happens that adds to my daily stress, I dont seem to have the capacity to even deal. I just have a "not very nice thought" and simply move on. Wheres the freedom in that? Where are the years I have spent seeking God? The peace that I had before this season in my life when I could just lay it down? The time I put in growing should account for something, right? Is anyone tracking with me, or am I insane?...
For instance: In the past with the girls pop, I knew he wasnt in a good place & I would give him so much grace. I would oftentimes tell the girls about how difficult his life is & how his choices have led to the place he finds himself in now, that they needed to pray for him & offer him forgivness. I would infuse hope into all conversations about him. Now, I just almost snarl. Its been 10 + years and he hasnt changes a bit. He hasn't really ever helped support them & my hubz hasn't ever held the slightest grudge. He feels like they are his and he will do whats necessary to provide. He says "God is our provider , & thats that..." I have always agreed, until recently. I can't hardly even stomach the whole thing anymore. I know it isn't Christlike. I just can't deal with it & I feel like I just can't pretend anymore. So, I just sit quietly instead of trying to defend him to them. Thats just one example of my new & un~improved attitude. Im bringing this into the light because I need help. I want freedom. I also want to know if I am alone alone in this or if this is truly just a season that I'm in. (I have also wondered lately if its pre menapause? Maybe I need anti depressants? Eather way, its bondage & I. want. freedom).
Thanks for reading peeps. I feel like I don't even want to share this now after reading it, but I'm going to. I need advice, & where better to get it than from all of you, ladies who eather; are that mom too, have had that mom, been that mom, had this struggle, or know somone who did/does...
Sorry so serious girlz. I know you prob came here maybe needing a laugh, to look at some cute pics, or read somthing lite hearted, but today~ this is where I'm at & hopfully not for long ;)
Ok, off to visit you now, make me laugh ladies!! ;) JK, Maybe you've got stuff going on, & if so, I'm your girl. I would love to pray for you or offer any advice. (I know given my prior confession you might be prone not to want to share, but I'm great at helping you, just not so good at helping me... ;)
LYLAS LA

Now I know why!!!

Im not really sure how to to do this so I hope it works, soooo funny!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7q2wD6HHdUY
LYLAS LA

It Just Happened.

I just had to have a talk w/ my 8 year old about how un nice she is to her older sister's. (especially her & the cute one in the middle up there)  I talked to her about what it will be like once they are all gone & how it hurts me to see them treat one another so poorly. Punk (oldest on the rt) is a junior, so 1  1/2 more years is about all we have w/ her here & Shorty & Pooh are twins & freshmen, so 3 yrs w/ them- it will be gone in a flash. How in the world did we get here so fast? It. just happened!... I was 14 yrs older than my lil sis & wanted a sister for yeeeears before she came along. We were to far apart in age & when I left home she was 3 so we never really had much of a relationship. I reminded lil P of that & told her how special "sisters" are & about how she'll miss them & wish she could have these years back. -he teared up & made a commitment to try & do better.I don't know if it did any good & if so, for how long but I could see that she hadn't really thought about how her attitude effects them or that she's not been very easy to share a room with.  I called Shorty in & had them hug & talk it out. Uncomfortable for them? - Uh hu!! Necessary, yup!. As they left my room I have to admit that I was somwhat doubting that the truce would last for long (they are both type A & lil firecrackers!) I know that they may have to be reminded from time to time, & that's ok. I just want them to realize how special it is to have 3 sisters & how truly blessed they are. Just now I heard lil P ask if Shorty wanted to get a snack & then say " I love you..." Hmmm, & I didn't even have to threaten.. It just happened!!
I'm gonna go see if I can get in on that snack! I hope you have a Teriffic Tuesday! LYLAS  LA

Leah Allen
 --Sent from my Palm Pre

Teen Miles?

Hi. I'm Leah & I've recently discovered that I'm an age aholic... Ok, let me explain. My father in law made a comment to me when we were there for Christ mas about how we have all aged. He said (paraphrasing here) that I can't deny that even I'm looking quite older since my wedding (in 03). I can't stop thinking about it.
Shortly after that I heard someone say that the "teen years" raising your children will put 20  (years) on your face. OMGAW!!!! It's seriously happening to me right before my eyes!! (or right around my eyes! ) Since hearing that lil life changing statement I have noticed tons of lines!. Crows feet, stress highway right between my eyebrows & now - laugh lines too!! I'm to young (39) to look this dang old!. So I am on a mission to find any reversing agents allowed by law. (ok, maybe even illegal!) :o"  So in my quest to look my age (what? 39ish is YOUNG PEOPLE!) I'm asking for any (Tested, Tried & True) products that you might have used to keep your youthfulness (just please no Yak Urine or anything of it kind!!) Any & all - ok, most any & some suggestions will be tested by yours truly (& any of you that wish to join me :)  for the alloted time & then I will report back w/ said results!! So, whatcha know of?? Yes, you back there w/ the glowing, very youthful complexion!! :)   lylas  LA 

Leah Allen
 --Sent from my Palm Pre

No~Stinkin~Way!!!

You guys... You are NOT going to believe this!!!. In Touch Mag is reporting that Jesse James is cheating on Sandra Bullock!! They say that he had an affair with tattoo model Michelle McGee while she was filming "The Blind Side" in Texas. Sandra and Jesse have been married now for 5 years & have seemed to be a very happy couple. James has been to all of the awards shows this year to support her for the all the nominations and awards she has won for The Blind Side. Did you guys see when she won the Oscar and James was seen in the audience with tears in his eyes?. She has even referred to her him as “having my back”.

Michelle McGee is telling InTouch magazine that she was having an affair with Jesse while Sandra was filming The Blind Side saying “We ended up on the couch,” “He wanted to watch movies, but I asked him, ‘What’s going on with you and Sandra?’ He said, ‘She doesn’t live here. She has a house in Austin. She is filming, and I can’t talk about it.”

McGee claims that she had a 5 week affair about 2 times a week with Jesse James. Just because she says it does not make it true, but having Sandra Bullock pull out of the movie premier in London makes me wonder if there is truth to this story. It would be a shame if in the best year of her career, her marriage to the man she is head over heels in love with falls apart... Well, I for one really don't know what to think. I truly thought/ think they are that 1% in Hollywood that will last. I have so much respect for her and I truly hope this is all just part of an evil pan to destroy all Great Marriages in Show biz. Thats what Im gonna believe until I hear otherwise. JUST PLAIN SAD... PS. I dont usually ever talk about this kind of stuff, but I feel like I know them. Ive watched her movies for ever and have watched Jesse on his various TV programs for years . We have seen him go through alot of family trials & a divorce all while trying to protect his babies. For some reason, this just really shocked me...

LYLAS xoxo LA

To Big For Her Britches!

Kait is growing up- to fast! In the last few months she's started dating, 3 weeks ago she got her driving  permit, & now has a job that she started on Friday. WOWEE! Mama not ready... I keep trying to remember what I was like @ that age. How boy crazy I was, how much smarter I was than everyone else. How I was never ever going to be like my mom. When they say those things to me it hurts me so deeply, but I remember feeling those same things... ( I just don't think I ever said it to her face!!! I am however trying to encourage honesty! Ugh...) I know now that God purposes this time in our life to help her grow those wings we all dred, & for me to let out more & more net, but boy is it difficult. I'm so proud of her & the woman she's becoming - I just hope I have taught her everything she will need to know to be the person she was born to be. Love you Kait. I believe in you Kait. I'm always always right here for you Kait. Just turn around. 

Leah Allen
 --Sent from my Palm Pre

Precious Girlz & Fellowshippin...

Just look at these faces...

Arnt they beautiful?.....

God pours out His love for us in so many different ways...

Not the least of these are in our "Friendships"....

Isn't girl time good! Last week one of my bestest friends was able to be in town to go to the retreat w/ our church. We all got together & had dinner to love on one another & basically celebrate these friendships. God is teaching me ALOT about boundries & healthy relationships- not an easy lesson... These arn't all of my good friends (& all the pics wernt taken this night). Thankfully, I've got a few & I'm so blessed to have girlz in my life that are going after Gods heart. ( It truly makes all the difference). I want to celebrate all of us "True Blue" girls!! I bet everyone reading this has those friendships in their life~ some may even be kin!. Eather way, Praise the Lord for the love that He is showing you through these precious relationships!! **& to my sweety gf's, I want tell you that I appreaciate you & I'm inspired & blessed by you in so many different ways! I pray for " True Blue girlfriends" for my 4 girls & you & I are who they will model after ;) I pray also that they'll know how to be ones! LYLAS LA

Leah Allen
-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Please,if not for yourself, do it for others..

~First, please go and mute my playlist player, or turn it off on your speaker's, My music rrrreally rox and I want your undevided attention..~

Ok, Hi , welcome back!! Now, I want to share with you why it is that I feel strongly that we as a people need to continue using the Character Verification thing. Let me see if I can perhaps persuade every single one of you to put it on your blogs. (and be sure and tell all your friends). I am one of those people who realize that when something happens to me (even tho I'm still only 39) that it is a sign of things that are bound happen to me in the future.. Such as, sometimes when I am drifting off to sleep, I have a tremor (and lately it's not just when I'm drifting, its also starting to happen when I'm just chilaxin reading Twilight for the 11th time ( it had to be said) , or watching TV. All of the sudden my leg, (or arm) will just spasm , very briefly, just slightly. In that moment, I know, this is just further proof that I am having early signs of Parkinson's... I know, it's Ok, they are making major advances in this disease every day, and with a strong support system ( My Lord & Savior, Hubz, and good insurance) I am determined to make it...In my weaker moments I think that it's unfortunate that since I gave my life to the Lord I know I wont be able to throw back a Jack and Coke (or 3) when the time gets nearer, to help ease the pain dontcha know... Well, I prob. wont be able to hold the glass steady enough anyways.. Its perspective...
Also, there are times when I cant remember how to spell the word 'The" or remember my own phone # . Just today I was on the phone with the Dr. at the Parkinson's research dept, He wanted my phone # when he was threatening that if I don't stop calling and leaving messages for him about the weird things that are happening to me, (like just now, I'm on the toilet as I'm typing this and my knee just jerked as I leaned over to get the tp ( you totally thought I was going to say as leaned over to wipe , didn't you!? ) and nearly fell of the toilet!! Hold on, I have to write the knee thing down for when I call the Dr @ the Research Center here in a minute, be right back... Ok, back, where was I? Oh yes, I'm sure you'll agree, those are definitely signs that I am due for Alzheimer's to set in at any minute. Which brings me to Character verification. I seek them out. I'm thankful to those of you that, against every ones badgering, pleading, threatening and waging to never return to your blog, that you stay strong and continue to use them. I strongly believe that they might just be what will help to stave off the Alzheimer's, at least for a bit longer. Let me explain. When I pull up someones comment page, and I see it there I type my reply, then I scroll down to it, take one look at it and then try, in one take, to type it out without looking again.. I feel so good when I get it in one take.. Some of those are difficult, like 'cremuhged' how many of you could remember that in one take?? I am building my brain back with the help of this wonderful Character Verification! So I just want to say "thank you" , to all of you that have made this a reality for me!! I also want to encourage you to stand your ground, don't give in to the threats and the nay sayers that say that they arnt going to come back, or that because it takes a extra 30 seconds to leave a reply it makes them shy away from reading your blog's. Waa waa wa, who needs those replies anyways, not us my dear friends, NOT US!! So, wont the rest of you join us in building a stronger future? Its such a tiny way to give back, but the brain you strengthen may just be yours, or maybe even someone you love... Take all the time you need, just remember every tick of the clock may take you closer to a ......... what the heck was I going to say...Wait, No, that wasn't.... well, maybe I'll... aw, forget it .......
Till next time, LA

The ladies Retreated!!

Hullllo peoples! Boy did I have a wonderful time last weekend on the retreat. We had 53ish ladies & I'm telling you, it was so much fun! Our theme was 'Emerge' & that's just what we did. You know how sometimes when you go you know Gods eather going to move in your life, or you are just there to refresh & renew? Well GOD truly moved & soooo many of us were freed from years of bondage!!! ( I'm still reeling from it!). He is so good! Also, the 'weirdest' thing happened!. I was sick for 3 days prior to going & guess what happend?. As soon as I was driving up, I started to feel so much better & I felt great the entire time! (thanks to those that prayed;). As soon as I got home I was sick again! - God healed me for the weekend!!!. HE IS SO worthy of our praise!! This pic is a few of us just after we repelled from 6 stories on a zipline. ( I nearly couldn't do it! I literally had to be forced to let go!) But, I trusted God & here I am- alive & everything!! lol...  I am so excited to see all my visitors that stopped by over the weekend- You Are JUST PRECIOUS to me!!! I can't wait to pop around & see whatchall be up to- I just LOVE you girls!!!. Ok, I'm gonna head on over to your place :)  LYLAS/B  LA

Leah Allen
-- Sent from my Palm Pre