(Continued from last post)

You just can't explain the dispair that suffering through this for so long & the toll it takes on you emotionaly. Words cannot be found. Not knowing when it will be over is maddening.You try not to focus on it & honestly there are times when I can stuff it for awhile & I'll be ok & then it just comes flooding back. Sometimes people who simply can't understand say the darndest things. I recently had a very sweet well meaning lady say "you have so much to be thankful for, a wonderful Godly husband, big beautiful home, 4 terrific girls,that may have to be enough" well yes- I'm so blessed, but because I feel this desire does that mean I'm not thankful? One hasn't anything to do w/ the other,its a seperate issue. And knowing those things doesnt make the suffering any less. I'm very thankful that I have Gods word to go to, w/out it I wouldn't have made it. His word says He hears me & knows the desires of my heart,He put them there.It also says He is just & I am (as I say all the time here) in the shadow of His wings. I have seen some precious friends this past yr get the wonderful news of their pregnancies & try to be sensitive in telling me-thank you girls! I simply couldn't be happier for you, it is a miracle & I'm thrilled to pieces! Please don't ever think I would be unhappy @ such wonderful news, it has brought me such hope! I write all of this to simply get it out, also to ask you to pray for me.. Thank you for letting me share this, sorry so heavy...Tonight as I lay me down to sleep, I will once again lay it @ the foot of the cross, and tomorrow work very hard once more to not pick it up. He is so gracious, abounding in Love. And on Him I WILL continue to cast my cares. If someone u know has infertility please just be there.Ask her how she's doing, let her lean on you. Pray w/ & for her.You can't fix it but nothing will do more good than you just showing up for her & truely "hearing" her pain. Till next time L.A