Refusing...

Its me again. It's 1:30am & I'm back in my room. I was going to stay the night with him but he doesn't sleep peacefully when I do. He remembers I'm there & opens his eyes to check & make sure I havn't left. So I have come back to hang out with my family that have traveled here. My 2 younger brothers, their girlfriends, my baby sister & mom are all here & it's been nice being surrounded by people who love him like I do. One thing about family, they show up. I am also so blessed because I also have friends that are family & my gosh have you showed up. You have blown me away with your capacity to love me & be my rock, encouragers & prayer warriors. Amazing. Thats what you are & I am so thankful.

  Tomorrow is a pretty big day. There is a tear in his liver & we are waiting to see (& believing that it will) heal itself. The alternative is horrifying to even consider. If it doesn't, the unthinkable with have to happen. They will reopen him. (The cursor is just siting, blinking in silence as I think about what that will mean for him....). So I won't think that way. He is being healed & God is his physician. Another thing that weighs sooooo heavily is that my time here is drawing near & I can't bare the thought of leaving. Thankfully God gives us strength for the day & just enough light for the step that we are on. I'm refusing to let fear creep in & control me because I know who holds each day in His hand. I'm very tried so I am signing off. I will be back with news as  soon as I know anything. Thank you for continuing to pray. I love you.

He whispered...

Sitting in his room. All is quiet except for the mat he's sleeping on that massages the blood flow (because he can't move) & his oxygen. He's so helpless. As am I. We are in a new room & off the ICU wing.  Such a great sign. They keep emptying his seepage tank. So much blood & bile. They said usually 1 oz in a 12hr period. He's losing an oz an hour & his Dr. is keeping a close eye.  Where his tubes enter his ribs is also starting to seep. I can't deal with this in my own strength. I feel the Holy Spirit once again minister & comfort me as I imagine the 2 waring Angels standing guard flanking his bed. Thank you God for your protection & promises. How do non believers get through & not be overtaken?. I am not this strong God. ( I have had this ongoing dialog with Him during this whole time. I am sinking in this abyss that has engulfed me. But in His sweet Spirit sweeps in I am once again reminded... He is not mine... Another thought has also kept company with me for the past few days. You. You are here, praying. Claiming. Believing these things for him. For me. If you only knew. Really knew, the miraculous strength & courage you have bathed me in. I am deeeeeeeeply in love with your precious faithful hearts & simply could not do this without you. I feel the need to caress his  precious beautiful head & sooooo I will sign off for now. Will you please continue to pray?. I covet them so.... I'll be back. LA

*Please share this udate to those who are praying. xxooo

My boy, my baby. Please Lord send your healing touch...

Kalyb isn't really a baby, but he is my baby. I want to run, I want to scream, punch somthing, take him in my arms & take all his pain & fear, anguish. Is ANYONE OUT THERE. I AM SO ANGRY! Full of fear, but not dare admitting that out loud. Not even to myself. Until now.  Kalyb was shot accidentally by his dad. When the gun went off he told his dad he was cold & couldn't feel his legs. For some reason that has been playing over & over in my mind. No parent wants to hear that.  He's been shot in the chest piercing his lungs, kidneys, small intestines & liver.  He is in a Lubbock hospital in critical condition. I am helpless. I sit in the dimly lit hospital room right now listening to the machine, breathing for him. Massaging his legs so he won't get edema, swelling.  GET UP. Get UP Kalyb. Please..... (tears, streaming down my face...) We arn't done. There's so  much I have yet to show you. Share with you.

He is my first born. My only son. He looks so much like me. Everyone tells us so. I have so much to make up for. Please God. Let me have more time with him. I want to crawl right into this bed with him, stroke his beautiful forehead, tell him evenings going to be ok. It is, right?. It is going to be ok? I hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit now (as I often do), "he's mine Leah". I know. I know he is Lord. Do you trust me with him?. I want to say yes Lord.... So for now, for this very moment in time, I am choosing to believe. To not let go.  Pleeeease, please continue to believe & pray for us. I seeee that you are praying. All over fb. I am overflowing with thankfulness & utter amazment @ your faithfulness. Plese, don't stop. I am so weak. But knowing you are praying helps me to believe... I couldn't. love.you .more. LA